What's in Your Empowerment Toolbox?

 

Five Steps to Empower Yourself

What’s in your empowerment toolbox? Self-investment is a choice. No one is born feeling self-empowered. Confidence is learned. Know yourself, accept who you are, and appreciate your talents and contributions. If empowerment is difficult for you – here are five steps to get you started:

Let go. The first step to feeling empowered is to let go of past guilt and blame. Recognize that no one, including you, is perfect. Stop holding yourself to high, unrealistic standards. Striving to be flawless will disempower you.


Example:  My friend Connie, who lives in Boston, was feeling guilty over her divorce, and was afraid that it had injured her children. While walking by her home she found a memorial park – a place of peace and beauty. This park was built to ease the emotional loss from cancer and was open to anyone suffering from grief. She found a building that featured “The Bridge of Regrets.” Outside was a small foot bridge over a little brook leading to a small raised fire pit. Inside the softly lit building were some benches for meditation. A table in the corner had paper and pens, and a sign that encouraged individuals to release their guilt and regrets by writing them on the paper, and then walking across the bridge to the fire pit. By releasing the paper into the fire pit and watching it burn, individuals symbolically watched their guilt, regrets or shame, vanish into smoke. Not everyone will have this type of memorial park by their home but, they can symbolically let go of guilt, and blame by using a similar type of action.                                                                                                       


Stop sending mixed messages.  Do you say yes to people’s requests when you want to no?  Learn ways to politely say no. If using the word no is difficult for you, then simply say you are too busy or your calendar is over-scheduled. When you say yes to requests, when you want to say no, you rob yourself of empowerment. Learn to say no, without regrets or guilt. Do not demean yourself for saying no. People will accept your no response, if you do.                                                                                                    


Example:  After one of my seminars, a member of the audience shared this story with me. She said that she was asked to be in charge of a fund raiser for her church. She said yes because she felt too guilty to say NO. She was angry at herself for saying yes, and did not put forth the necessary time and effort to ensure a successful event, and they fell short of their monetary goal. She felt like she had failed, and had let everyone down. This caused her to feel increased guilt, and decreased self-esteem.


Listen more. We live in a world of commotion with numerous distractions.  At times it is challenging to stop and listen. Listening skills require practice. Too often we hear the words but we don’t take the time to process and understand the message being spoken. In order to remember details, we must pay attention.  When we actively listen to ourselves, and others, we feel connected, caring, and capable.


Example: Your four year-old daughter runs in the door from pre-school and begins to tell you about her exciting experience building a dinosaur, from green clay, during art time at school. You are busy making fliers for your seven year-old son’s Spring Fair at his school. What do you do? Do you stop making the fliers and actively listen to your daughter or do you continue with the project? You will feel empowered and so will your daughter, if you STOP for a few minutes and pay attention to her. Active listening is an important part of building trust and healthy relationships with others. Your recall ratio increases when you listen.                                                                                                                                                                                                 
Have a grateful heart.  Be appreciative of the good things that surround you. Be kind to yourself and others by expressing feelings of gratitude. Take the time to pay it forward by appreciating the service others render on your behalf.  Gratitude will open your eyes and heart to the goodness in all situations.


Story:  When I was pregnant with our second child, I was sick for the entire nine months. My condition made it extremely difficult for me to care for our four year old son. We had just moved to a suburb of Philadelphia for my husband’s job and I knew very few people. I felt helpless and overwhelmed. My neighbor recognized an opportunity to serve me and my family. She drove my son to pre-school, provided us with meals, and took me to the doctor when I was too sick to drive myself. She empowered me, and herself through these acts of kindness.  


Identify your empowerment equation.  Begin by creating a confidence label. Recognize and believe positive points about yourself, and your contributions. Next, identify 4 – 5 things that empower you, like listening to uplifting music, finishing a project, reading an inspirational book, exercising, giving yourself a pep talk, or going to lunch with a friend.   


Your empowerment equation will encourage you to appreciate yourself, and make time for “daily uplifts” that will help you manage stress, and feel empowered.


Story: My niece Matty loves to play the piano. When she feels anxious or stressed out she heads straight to the piano and begins to play. This is her time to escape, and empower herself!

Fill your empowerment tool box with healthy strategies to build a happy, fulfilled life. Find value in every experience and take responsibility for each choice you make. Focus on what you can change in your life instead of what you cannot.

The Empowerment Project   www.vikkicarrel.com